So my husband came home the other day and said, “Hey I bought you something.” I got all excited and had all these great ideas in my head of what he could have surprised me with. He walks in and holds up a shirt. It is a squadron shirt. A squadron shirt that is 3 times too big. I said thank you, but I questioned the size situation. He responded by saying that he thought it could just be a night shirt. Interesting thinking on his part. I express that I would like a squadron shirt that I could wear to squadron events and asked if he could exchange it for a smaller size one. This is where the truth of “my gift” comes out.
Toward the end of my husband’s deployment I really had fear and anxiety over the idea of him coming home. Homecoming was bittersweet feelings for me. Our Korea homecoming was extremely difficult and hard, so I was nervous that the same homecoming was ahead. (Korea homecoming is a whole other story!) During the deployment, I learned that I could do this parenting and life all on my own. I could see myself being ok if he wasn’t at home. I developed my own routine, hung out with friends, and had my own life essentially. There were bad days that I wanted him home and wanted the whole deployment to be over but there were more good days than bad. So the idea of him coming home made me uneasy. A part of me wanted him home and another part of me did not.
This weekend I was sitting and watching something on TV; I don’t remember what it was but nothing important I am sure. I look over and my son is playing with a soccer ball, and he just looked so tall. I look over and tell my husband, “Wow, he is not a baby anymore but as grown into a boy.” It was like I was seeing him for the first time in years.